In Defense of the Ego: A Necessary Ally

I recently had someone tell me that I was “in my ego” as an attempt to shame me. The word “ego” gets thrown around a lot, especially in spiritual and self-help circles. It’s become a weaponized phrase, a quick dismissal of someone’s perspective or feelings. But here’s the thing: the ego isn’t the enemy we’ve been taught to fear. In fact, it’s an essential and natural part of being human — a bridge between our inner truth and the outer world.

The ego is deeply misunderstood. It’s not some villain lurking in the shadows, waiting to sabotage your enlightenment. It’s a functional and necessary part of the human psyche, one that helps us navigate individuality, relationships, and the world at large. When we reject the ego outright, we’re denying a vital part of ourselves. And let’s be honest: self-rejection doesn’t lead to growth or transformation. It just creates more division within.

Why the Ego Matters

1. The Ego Grounds Our Identity The ego gives us a sense of “I am,” a way to experience and express who we are. This isn’t about arrogance or superiority — it’s about sovereignty. Without the ego, how would we differentiate our inner truth from external expectations? How would we know what’s ours to carry and what isn’t? A healthy ego allows us to reclaim our truth and take up space in the world authentically.
2. It’s the Mediator of Our Humanity The ego acts as a bridge between our higher self and our human experience. Rather than being a barrier to enlightenment, it’s a tool for integration. It helps us take spiritual insights and bring them into the practical, messy, beautiful reality of being human. The ego isn’t the problem; the problem is when we misunderstand its role.
3. It’s a Protector and a Catalyst In moments of challenge or vulnerability, the ego steps in to protect us. Is it perfect? No. But it’s trying. Sometimes it overreacts, but that’s often because it’s responding to unhealed wounds or past experiences. Instead of shaming it, we can work with it, guiding it toward growth and alignment.

Many arrive at adulthood still ungrounded. You might think, as an adult, that a weak self is where you want to be anyway — lose the ego so you can be enveloped in a unitive, nondualistic consciousness, as many traditional approaches to self-development promote.

But to let go of ego you have to have an ego to begin with. You can’t be an oak tree if the acorn never sprouted and grew. The empty, non-selfness that is widespread today is susceptible to the manipulation of others who know your weakness, your reactivity, your fearfulness. Politicians love to get you fired up against some threat so they can control your attitudes/vote/pocketbook. Weak non-selves can easily be deluded. If you don’t have a strong ego, you will be a sheet in the wind and could be used by others to do a lot of damage in the world.

In other words, you need a basic ego for the chance to live a sovereign life.

The Issue with “You’re in Your Ego”

The phrase “you’re in your ego” has become a kind of spiritual shutdown. It’s often used to dismiss someone or elevate the speaker to a place of supposed enlightenment. But this judgment denies the complexity of the human experience. It suggests there’s a binary: you’re either spiritual or ego-driven, enlightened or flawed. This kind of black-and-white thinking is the opposite of growth.

Here’s the truth: we are both spiritual and human. The ego is not something to annihilate. In fact, that isn’t even possible. You can transcend your ego but by then there will be no “you” to do the transcending. It happens at death when our struggle for existence is gone.

The ego is something to understand, nurture, and integrate. When people weaponize the idea of the ego, they’re usually bypassing their own humanity and asking you to do the same.

Reclaiming the Ego as an Ally

The path to true sovereignty doesn’t involve rejecting the ego. It requires partnering with it. Here’s how we can shift our relationship with this misunderstood part of ourselves:

• Cultivate Awareness: Start noticing where the ego is coming from. What self-images do you want to protect — being smart, beautiful, successful? Your Human Design can help identify this. Awareness lets you engage with the ego instead of being ruled by it.
• Practice Integration: See the ego as part of the whole, not as an adversary. It’s a tool for expressing your individuality and navigating your humanity. Become aware of your tendencies when things go wrong, and try to understand how the ego is mitigating your pain and actually saving you from spiraling down.
• Release the Shame: Let go of the idea that having an ego is inherently bad. Shame creates disconnection. Understanding creates healing.

All three of the above can be addressed simply using Emotional Resolution, a simple somatic process that releases outdated ego aspects such as fears and disruptive patterns of behavior.

A New Perspective

The spiritual community has an opportunity to reframe the conversation around the ego. Instead of shaming it, we can see it for what it is: a necessary ally in our human journey. When we align the ego with our awareness and values, it becomes a powerful tool for living authentically and thriving unconditionally.

So, the next time someone says, “You’re in your ego,” remember this: the ego isn’t the problem. Misunderstanding it is. Embrace it, work with it, and let it evolve alongside you. Because the goal isn’t to transcend your humanity. The goal is to live it fully.